Naperville, Ill. April 24th.,
1902
Index
The Philadelphia Missionary
Council, Philadelphia, Pa.
My dear brothers:
If my dear Father will give me guidance, I
shall attempt at this time, to give you a simple account of my
life. If it gives you satisfaction I shall hope, if the Spirit
so directs, that sometime in the near future I may be able to
go to some part of Africa, or somewhere in the heathen world,
and there engage in the work of my Master. My heart is
yearning for Africa, and I am becoming anxious to go there as
soon as possible. I hope however my Father will give me
patience, to remain in the homeland, until I have completed a
thorough preparation, that through his power, I may make my
life count mightily for his cause. He is blessing me
wonderfully in these days, and I believe I am now in such a
relation with him, that I can put my trust in him with great
confidence, and depend upon him for guidance in all matters. I
have spent much time in secret with my Father, since I have
received your letter, and I believe I am now ready to give you
such an account of my life, and habits, that with the aid of
the Spirit you may know nothing but the truth. I have asked my
Father that if there be anything which I know would hinder me
from becoming a successful missionary in Africa, he should
give me grace to make it known to you. I care not so much
whether I may be able to spend my life in Africa, as I do care
that God’s will may be fulfilled concerning my life. If I may
only be very near to my Jesus, and know that he is leading me
step by step, I care not where he would use me. If because of
some fault or neglect of my past life, I have disqualified
myself to go to the foreign field, I hope it shall be, in some
way, revealed rather than that my life should be spent amiss.
I must confess now, that as I turn my eyes upon myself, and
see my own weakness and my many faults, I shrink from going
one step farther, but I am certain my Master calls me, and he
promises to use me even in my weakness, and I remember that
the strength of man can avail nothing unless accompanied with
the power of God, and it is in this confidence alone that I go
forward.
I was born on the 3rd. day of
June 1878 in Southern Wisconsin. My father is a native of
Switzerland, and my mother a native of Germany. They are both
living yet in the old home. In our family were ten children,
nine boys and one girl. Seven are living at the present time
three older than myself, and three younger. The pure life, and
noble example of both of my parents, kept us boys entirely
free from the use of tobacco, or intoxicating drinks and
today, although grown up, all are total abstainers. Our home
was a Christian home from the beginning - our Father having
served as Superintendant of our little country Sunday school
from 21 yrs. of age, down to the present time. He prayed with
us every morning at our family altar, and although at that
time we knew nothing of the power of God in our young lives,
yet the example of our dear father, early planted in us a
desire to know God. Had we remained together simply as a
family I believe I would have been led to Jesus at a very
early age, but associating with my young companions gave me a
peculiar sense of shame for my parents devotion to God, and
although I sought God secretly, yet I kept myself as much as
possible from appearing to be religious in the least. This
caused me much trouble. Having attended some of those old
styled, highly emotional German Revivals, I made the sad
mistake that salvation comes through the emotions, rather than
from a simple faith in Christ Jesus. This sense of shame being
so thoroughly fastened upon me, I would not even allow myself
to be seen studying the Bible, and thus correcting the
mistake, and besides from what I had seen in others I was so
certain that I was correct in my ideas, that I had no desire
to study the subject, and Oh what misery it brought me. I
struggled with my sins, but had no power. When I thought I had
peace with God, it would be only for a time, and then the fall
would come again. At the age of 16 I left the old farm, and
came to North Western College. Our college is strictly
Christian, and when asked by my companions whether I were a
Christian or not, I had not the courage to be manly and bold,
and say I was not, but I called myself a Christian to escape
their labors with me, and I feel a deep sense of shame to
think that for years, I associated with my fellows, even
taking part in Y.M.C.A. work, and yet not knowing God. Had I
been free and open with my fellows, my college life might have
been different, but I allowed that peculiar sense of shame to
controll me even when among godly companions. I am glad
however that God kept his hand upon me, and led me to his
glory. I am not ready to express my opinion as to whether God
will call one to his service even when away from him, but I
shall relate my experience. Having been quite successful in
our Debating Clubs, I got the idea that I could make good
success at law. I bent all my powers in that direction, and
became so absorbed in it, that I forgot nearly everything
else. While in this condition, an announcement was made that
Mr. Gilbert, Travelling Secretary of the Student Volunteer
Movement, would visit our college, and it being my custom to
attend all Y.M.C.A. meetings, I fell in that night and heard
his address. He spoke in a simple, quiet manner yet God took
hold on me. I hardly remember anything that he said, and do
not even remember leaving the room, but I do know that I went
down to my room that night weeping like a child. It happened
that my room-mate did not come in for some time, and I fell
upon my knees, and begged of Jesus that he might in some way
reveal to me, how I might be relieved of my burden of sin. Now
at that very time I felt surely the call to go to Africa. Mr.
Gilbert said nothing of Africa, I had never thought of it
before, and yet it came upon me with such power that I could
not rid myself of it. I tried hard to make myself believe that
it was simply a foolish notion, but nothing would satisfy me.
For a time I believed I was willing to go, but during the
summer vacation I attended the Student Conference at Lake
Geneva Wis., and there I had a terrible struggle with my self.
I discovered I was not at all willing to serve my Master,
unless it be in my own way. The struggle there did not end in
victory, and through the vacation I tried to cast it off
entirely. In the Fall I entered college again, and the first
few weeks of that term of school, were the worst I ever
experienced. God strove mightily with me those days. I was
tormented so, that I could not get my lessons, I could not
sleep, and I really feared some terrible thing would happen.
Had it not been for this experience I would now be in the
Junior Class, but I had a little extra work, which I could
have carried easily, if in the right condition, but I was
simply obliged to drop it. I feared that even if I should let
God have his way with me, the work before me would cause me so
to worry, that perhaps even then, my condition would be no
better. This state of things continued for some time, until
one night tossing about upon my bed, I arose and walked the
floor in terrible agony. I knew that the thing could not last
long in such a manner, so I fell on my knees and plead with
Jesus to relieve me. He caused me to pause for a time, and
consider the matter carefully. Then I went to my desk, and
calmly but in a determined manner, wrote upon a piece of
paper, that Jesus should have my life, and use it where he
would. Oh the joy of that moment. I do really believe that
Jesus stood at my side. Although many times before that I
sincerely believed I had found peace with God, I know now that
then for the first time, I had power over self, through faith
in Jesus. Now I would not have you obtain wrong impressions,
but I shall be frank with you and tell you that this happened
on the 17th of November 1901. At that time I was
Chairman of our Local Worker’s Comm. and it was my duty to
superintend all organized personal work done in our Y.M.C.A.
May God forgive me for daring to do such a thing in the
condition I then found myself. But my Jesus has blessed me
richly since that time. In the early morning I find great joy
in communing with him. I rejoice in the study of his word, and
he keeps me very near to him throughout the day. I am trying
to do what I can for my Master. I have done private personal
work with some of our students, and I believe from their own
testimony, by relating to them my own experience, I have been
able, through the power of God, to lead two of them into the
clear light of salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. You
have now the simple story of my inner experience, and I trust
the Spirit of God will lead you to judge rightly, whether I
ought to go to Africa or not.
Now it will perhaps be well for me to tell
you somewhat, what I have done up to the present time. The
first sixteen years of my life were spent on the farm. I
believe that there I have learned many things which will help
me very much, if I go to Africa. My father did nearly all his
work, such as carpenter work, and mason work, and many odd
jobs, with his hands, and in these things I always helped him,
and have thus learned to use many tools which country boys
seldom use. My father was also an excellent gardener, and in
this work I took great delight. After the death of my only
sister it fell to my lot to help my mother with her housework,
when necessary, and there I learned cooking to such an extent,
that for three years while at college, in company with four
others, I did cooking and was very successful. I early formed
a habit of reading to a large extent. Our home being in the
country, books and papers were quite scarce, so that although
my reading was extended, yet what I read was mostly story
books. I borrowed what books I could, and in this way even
read some history, but my reading was mostly light, yet
wholesome matter. This however gave me the ability to read
very rapidly, which became a great advantage to me while at
college. Two books came to our home very early - and these
have had much to do with the formation of my character, habit,
temperament, and disposition. One was the life of Abraham
Lincoln, and I remember how delighted my young heart was, with
the gentle life of that great man. His example so softened my
young life, that I seldom allowed myself to become angry, or
even unpleasant, and I believe even to this time it is a great
help to me, when anything is apt to vex me. The other was the
life of D.L. Moody, which was a great favorite with my father.
These two books I read over, again and again, and their
influence can never be measured in my life. After I came to
college I had access to an excellent library, and then my
thirst for reading at times carried me to extremes, and many
times because of this, I neglected my lessons, especially if
they were not very interesting. If you will but remember this
when you look over my college records I think you will be able
to account for some of my unusually low records, especially in
Latin. It is one thing I have to contend with, I am apt,
when interested in one thing to allow it to carry me to such
extremes, that I neglect others equally, or even more
important. I am not free from it entirely even at the
present time. Since I have become interested in missions I
have read nearly all of the Student Volunteer Pamphlets, and
mission study books, and besides have read the life of J.G.
Paton, by himself, the life of Dr. McKensie in China, Robert
Moffatt, Livingston, Stanley’s 2 vol. In Darkest Africa,
Mackay in Uganda, Warnecks History of Missions, Dennis’s
Social Evils in the Non Christian World. The New World in
Central Africa and a few smaller ones. Now you can readily
see, that this is not the best for me, and I am asking God to
give me a greater interest in those things, which do not
interest me, because I know that an all around education will
serve me best on the mission field. Music has been one of my
favorite pastimes and although I have taken but few lessons, I
have mastered music to such an extent, that I can without any
difficulty, play all hymns, and other music not too rapid.
There is nothing that pleases me so much as to spend an hour
or so, playing over some of the old classical hymns, and I
believe if I should go to Africa, and there become lonesome,
nothing would comfort me, aside from communion with my dear
Father, as much as to play over some of the old hymns on a
telescope organ. With my college records in your hands, and
this I have just written, I believe you will be able to judge
very nearly as to my present ability to labor with the native
negro.
It will perhaps be well to tell you
something about my work of the present time. I have just been
elected Corresponding Secretary of our Y.M.C.A., which also
makes me a member of the Executive Comm. I believe through
power in prayer, and testimony in our little Volunteer Band
(10), God has chosen me to be leader of that Band for the
coming year. By virtue of that office I am also a member of
the Missionary Comm. of our Y.M.C.A. Three of our Volunteer
Band, including myself are planning for Missionary Campaign
Work among the churches and young peoples societies of the
Evangelical Association, during the coming vacation. I believe
with all these lines of work in my hands, if I am faithful to
my Master, and depend on him for power, I can make myself
quite useful during the coming year. As to my activities in
public meetings, I will say that I am perhaps too much
reserved. There is nothing that gives me so much joy, as to
find some out of the way place, and there alone with a single
person, carry on a private conversation concerning religious
matters. I have spent some blessed hours in this way, which I
believe were a great benefit to me, and the person spoken to.
I never feel like saying very much in public, unless
especially called on to do so. I am afraid this is a mistake,
and I ought perhaps to try to overcome it.
I believe now I have written all that is
really necessary. God knows I have tried to be as truthful as
possible, and I shall leave the matter in His hands. If by His
Spirit he should convince you that I am called to His Service
in Africa, or some other field, and if He should aid you in
helping me to go there, [Here someone has written in “Does he
know he must look to God for passage & support?] I am sure
it would give me great joy, but if it be otherwise, all I can
do is simply cast myself into his arms and be satisfied. He
surely knows what is best for me, and I believe I have given
myself into His hands so unreservedly, that He can guide me
every moment.
I shall send with this letter, under a
separate cover, my photo, and several letters. I send you a
letter from the President of our Y.M.C.A. rather than from my
pastor, because at our College the leading religious
organization is the Y.M.C.A., and although we work in harmony
with the church, yet our work is confined almost entirely to
the Y.M.C.A. Last year all but five of our gentlemen students,
were members of that organization, and we have in all nine
Committees with 53 committee men, so you see it means much to
our school. I also send you a letter from Mr. Kehlhoefer,
because he is the leading missionary worker of our school, and
knows my secret life perhaps better than any person living. He
is at present Chairman of our Missionary Comm., and was last
year leader of our Volunteer Band. I send you a letter form
Dr. Deinst concerning my health, because while at home on the
farm I never had a doctor attend me, and while here at school
he has known me from the first year. He attended me during a
severe attack of mumps, which is really the only case of
sickness I ever had. I thank God for good health. I also send
you my college records, for which I have no apology. My poor
grades in Latin are simply a result of carelessness, and
negligence, rather than the lack of ability to handle
languages. Sometimes for two or three weeks I spent no more
than 15 minutes each day in preparing the lesson, and I am
surprised that I have succeeded in getting a grade high enough
to pass. I also send you a letter from Prof. Heidner that you
may know what my professors think of me as a student. I might
send you letters from others, but I believe these will be
sufficient. I will just say do not place too much confidence
in these letters, because I am afraid (although I begged of
them to hold the matter before God) they have perhaps judged
too much from outward appearance, perhaps because they know
not so well my secret life. I know I have appeared well before
my friends, but Jesus knows what my inner life has been, and I
hope and pray that if you are not able to judge from these
written words, the Holy Spirit may, in some way, impress upon
you my true worth, that if you should aid me in reaching the
field you might not be disappointed with my service. Yet I
would not labor to please men, but my Father in Heaven, and
for this reason I am exceedingly anxious that not one step be
taken, except under his guidance. May the Spirit work mightily
through the Philadelphia Missionary Council while they
consider the work of one of God’s servants.
Now if you should decide to accept me I
will say this. I have consecrated my life entirely to the
missionary cause, because I believe it is pleasing to Him when
I serve, and for this reason I dare not ask any more of Him
than that he give me daily those things that are absolutely
necessary for life. I can hardly expect any reward for my
service but his blessings, and with the assurance of this, I
am ready to go whenever it may please him. If then you believe
God shall enable you to promise me those things absolutely
necessary for life, you may send me to the field, and I am
ready to leave those other things in the hands of my dear
Father, and they may be what they will. I care not, only that
they be such as are pleasing in His sight. I am certain he
will care for me as long as I put my trust I Him.
Now as to the time when I should like to
go. God knows I desire to go immediately, yet I must leave the
matter to Him, and to his servants, whom he has given
experience, and who because of that experience surely know
what is best. I believe I can easily obtain means for several
years of preparation, before I go, and at your advice I should
be glad to spend those years at that line of work, at which I
could make my life count most on the field. For this reason I
apply to you now, that because of your experience, my
preparation might be directed in the right channel. If however
you think it would be best for me to go sooner, I am ready to
go at anytime, only that it please my Master. I would not hold
you down to Africa either. If you should know of any field,
which you think I could serve better than Africa, I would not
hesitate to go there at God’s good pleasure. The reason why I
apply for Africa is, because it has clearly come to me with my
call, and no other field has been impressed upon me since. I
hope these few words will be acceptable to you. I have tried
to make them as simple as possible, and I trust God’s
blessings will accompany them. I would be very much pleased if
I could see some one of you, and have a private conversation
concerning this matter. Hoping and praying that God’s
blessings will come richly upon the Philadelphia Missionary
Council, I remain your fellow worker in His service,
J.W. Stauffacher. Northwestern College,
Naperville, Ill.
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